1. Decide what you want from a loving relationship. What do you want out of a relationship, romantic or otherwise? What do you look for in a person that you love? What do you love in a person? While you don't want to narrow your focus too much, a properly-aligned list of priorities is helpful in knowing what to look for and how to find it.
If it works for you, rather than making up a list of wants, make up a list of "deal-breakers." If you absolutely can't abide a drinker, a hyper-religious person, or a daredevil, put it on your deal breaker list and avoid getting tangled in their complicated web.
Be judicious. If you’re putting a nice butt before a stable personality, you’re going to have a really tough time in relationships. Same goes for things like valuing friends who get you into the best clubs over friends who’ll hold your hair back while you puke. Put substance above superficials, every time.
Real people don’t fit in boxes. Keep in mind qualities that you want a prospective lover to have, but don’t require someone to meet all of them and make sure you’ve got your priorities in order.
2. Have something to offer others. When you go to start a relationship, be it romantic or platonic, you’ll want to be sure that you bring something to that relationship. Having nothing to offer will give you and probably the other person the sense that you are a leech. Work on giving as much as you take, in all your relationships, and you’ll be set for success.
A life partner or a lover can help you cope with the problems in your life and will work with you to solve them, but no one is going to make those problems just go away but you. You have to rescue yourself. Be your own knight-in-shining-armor. Expecting someone else to do that for you will only result in putting way too much pressure on them and disappointing yourself in the long run.
If you're experimenting with online dating, or other digital forms of communication, you've got to put some work into it. Messaging a hottie with "Hey" isn't bringing anything to the table. Ask questions, put your dazzling sense of humor on display, be naturally curious. Be yourself.
3. Meet lots of people. Unlike in the serendipitous plots of most romantic comedies, we usually don't run into long-term lovers and friends by accident. With the noise and bustle of 21st century life, meeting people takes work. Treat every night out, or every new class, or every new encounter as a possibility and bring your A-game.
Be friendly when you meet people, and try to see the best in them. Even if you're at a party you'd rather not be at, make a little goal that you'll make one new friend by the end of the night. Turn your dull party into a fresh opportunity.
Make plans with people you're interested in. Rather than exchanging numbers and putting someone in your phone as "Red Shirt Blonde," try to make specific plans before the end of the night. Find common ground with someone and decide that you'll meet up for coffee, or an event sometime later in the week. Make it concrete, rather than vague.
4. Let yourself be vulnerable with others. Unfortunately, loving someone means that they can hurt you. This is normal and okay (and almost inevitable). But if you want to have real love, you need to allow yourself to open up with that person. Don’t keep secrets from them, don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t, but instead give them the opportunity to know the real you.
Don't put on an act with people you're interested in, or with friends that you're building a relationship with. If you're pretending to be one way, it's not fair to the person who meets you halfway. Be yourself all the time, and you'll be confident that the people you meet are worthy of loving you, because it'll be the real you.
5. Give it time. Don’t force love and don’t try to speed it up. This will only create false feelings which drain you emotionally and leave you feeling empty and unsatisfied. You can’t rush love. But believe that it will come because it most certainly will. You just have to find the right person.
No comments:
Post a Comment