1. Love yourself. Before loving anyone else, you have to love yourself. This will help you show that you can experience love, sending a message that you are secure, confident, and worth loving in return. Loving yourself will make you a better lover because you will not be hindered by self-doubt and crises of confidence. If you have problems loving yourself, then work hard to build yourself up. Work on your self confidence by accepting your past and moving forward. You may feel that things you did in the past will make you unlovable, or that you have too many problems to be lovable. Untrue. Accept the things that happened to you, forgive yourself, and move on.
2. Count your blessings. When things get tough, money runs out or someone loses a job, the way to get through these tough times is to focus on the things in your life that are good. Don’t worry about all the things you don’t have, because you will always not have a lot of things. That’s out of your control. But you can enjoy and find love in the things that you do have right now, while you have them. Appreciate this moment.
3. Be selfish sometimes. If you constantly give in your relationships and don’t focus on your own needs every now and again, you will find that you become burnt out. In order to make yourself a better lover, be selfish on occasion and make sure you’re getting what you need to be happy too.
4. Make your own happily ever after. Like the myth of the knight in shining armor, you also need to understand that there are no automatic happy endings. You may find blissful love, but you’ll always come up against challenges together, as you and your lives change. If you want to have your happy ending, you have to work to make it happy every day by supporting each other, working together, and doing the things in life that make you happy.
5. Turn off the rom-coms. Modern movies and romantic stories have us believing that we have to find it: The One. That somehow, despite the chaos of the universe, there is one person who completes us and is perfect for us. The truth of it? There is no "one." No one is perfect. In all relationships there will be sacrifice and annoyance and problems. So really, as long as you aren’t expecting anyone to be perfect, there are lots of The One’s out there for you!
6. Break out of pre-defined roles. Our culture does a pretty good job of convincing us that men and women have to act a certain way or do certain things in a relationship. However, this doesn’t really work out that way in practice. Some men are just naturally good housekeepers and some women are just naturally good at fixing things. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses and those don’t conform to gender stereotypes. If you want to have healthy relationships, don’t feel constrained to those boxes: just do what you do best and work together to build a happy life!
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